“Just ignore them.”
“Stand up for yourself.”
“Tell the teacher.”
“Don’t be a tattletale.”
“Walk away.”
“Don’t let people treat you like that.”
Kids hear a lot of advice about dealing with difficult situations.
Now imagine being eight years old and trying to figure out which advice applies when something is actually happening.
Someone makes fun of your shoes.
Someone keeps taking your things.
A child intentionally excludes you.
Someone follows you after you’ve asked them to stop.
Someone shoves you.
Someone threatens you.
Someone grabs you and won’t let go.
Those situations aren’t all the same.
That’s why one of the most valuable things we can give children isn’t simply the instruction to “be tough.”
It’s a framework that helps them think:
“What can I do next to keep myself safe?”
At AKF Martial Arts Academy, we teach students Five Rules of Self-Protection to help them answer that question.
AKF’S 5 RULES OF SELF-PROTECTION
1. DON’T BE THERE
2. LEAVE
3. BEV — Body Language, Eye Contact, Voice
4. PHYSICALLY DEFEND YOURSELF
5. TELL SOMEONE
The progression matters.
If Rule #1 works, we never need Rule #2.
If Rule #2 works, we never need Rule #3.
And ideally, most situations never get anywhere near Rule #4.
Because the goal of self-defense isn’t to prove how tough you are.
The goal is to get home safely.
Rule #1: DON’T BE THERE
The first rule of self-defense doesn’t require a kick, punch, block, or martial arts technique.
It requires awareness.
If you recognize that a situation, place, group, or interaction is likely to become a problem, sometimes the smartest decision is simply:
Don’t be there.
That could mean not following a group somewhere you know you shouldn’t go.
Not getting involved in someone else’s argument.
Not responding to an invitation to “come fight.”
Not walking toward trouble simply because everyone else is watching it.
Children sometimes think courage means going toward every confrontation.
It doesn’t.
Sometimes confidence sounds like:
“No thanks. I’m not getting involved.”
Avoiding an unnecessary problem isn’t cowardice.
It’s good judgment.
Rule #2: LEAVE
Sometimes you couldn’t avoid the situation.
Now you’re in it.
The next question is:
“Can I leave?”
If you can safely walk away, create distance, move toward other people, find an adult, or get somewhere safer…
do it.
Kids sometimes worry that walking away means they “lost.”
We want them to understand something different.
Walking away can mean:
“I’m not giving you control over what happens next.”
You don’t have to win the argument.
You don’t have to get the last word.
You don’t have to prove how tough you are.
If you can safely leave:
Leave.
Rule #3: BEV — Body Language, Eye Contact, Voice
Sometimes walking away isn’t enough.
Someone follows you.
Keeps bothering you.
Touches your belongings.
Gets into your personal space.
Or you simply need to communicate:
“This needs to stop.”
That’s where we teach BEV:
BODY LANGUAGE
Stand confidently rather than shrinking away.
EYE CONTACT
Look at the person appropriately and let them know you’re speaking directly to them.
VOICE
Use a clear, firm voice:
“STOP.”
“BACK UP.”
“DON’T TOUCH ME.”
“LEAVE ME ALONE.”
BEV isn’t about becoming aggressive.
We aren’t teaching children to threaten, insult, scream at, or intimidate someone else.
We’re teaching:
Calm. Confident. Clear.
And some children need explicit permission to do that.
We spend a lot of time teaching kids:
“Be nice.”
“Don’t yell.”
“Don’t be rude.”
“Listen.”
“Don’t cause trouble.”
Those are important lessons.
But children need another lesson, too:
Being respectful does not require being passive.
Your child is allowed to establish a boundary.
They are allowed to use a firm voice.
They are allowed to say:
“NO.”
“STOP.”
“BACK UP.”
Those aren’t bad behaviors when they’re being appropriately used to establish safety and boundaries.
That’s assertiveness.
And assertiveness is something we can practice before a child ever needs it.
Rule #4: PHYSICALLY DEFEND YOURSELF
There’s a reason physical self-defense is Rule #4 instead of Rule #1.
We don’t teach children:
“Someone bothered you, so fight them.”
Physical self-defense is about protection, not retaliation.
If your child cannot safely avoid or leave the situation and reasonably believes physical action is necessary to protect themselves from immediate harm, they have permission to protect themselves.
That does not mean:
Get even.
Punish the other person.
Chase them.
Teach them a lesson.
Continue because you’re angry.
It means:
Do what you reasonably need to do to protect yourself and get safe.
And when the immediate danger stops, the purpose of the physical response stops too.
That distinction matters.
Rule #5: TELL SOMEONE
After a serious incident:
Tell someone.
A parent.
Teacher.
Counselor.
Coach.
Instructor.
Or another trusted adult.
Tell them what happened.
What was said.
What you did.
Whether you’re worried it will happen again.
Getting help isn’t weakness.
Sometimes getting help is handling the problem.
And there’s an important clarification to our five-rule progression:
You do not have to wait until Rule #5 to ask an adult for help.
If someone is threatening you…
If something keeps happening…
If you’re afraid…
If someone is harassing you online…
If you’re worried someone intends to hurt you…
If something simply feels unsafe…
tell a trusted adult.
The five rules help children think through an immediate self-protection situation.
They do not mean:
“Handle everything yourself until it becomes physical.”
Confidence includes knowing when something is bigger than a problem you should handle alone.
You Have Permission to Protect Yourself
This may be the most important message in this entire article.
Kids receive conflicting messages.
“Stand up for yourself.”
But also:
“Never fight.”
“Tell an adult.”
But also:
“Don’t tattle.”
“Be respectful.”
But also:
“Don’t let people treat you like that.”
Trying to sort through all of that while you’re scared or under pressure is difficult.
So children need clarity.
At AKF, we want students to understand:
You have permission to protect yourself.
You have permission to use a strong voice.
You have permission to say STOP.
You have permission to leave.
You have permission to get an adult.
And if you reasonably believe physical action is necessary to protect yourself from immediate harm when you cannot safely get away, you have permission to defend yourself.
That’s permission to protect—not permission to retaliate.
The goal isn’t punishment.
The goal isn’t revenge.
The goal isn’t winning.
The goal is safety.
There’s also something parents should be careful about promising.
We can’t guarantee how every school, teacher, administrator, coach, or organization will respond after an incident.
Different organizations have different policies, and adults may initially have incomplete information.
Instead of promising:
“You won’t get in trouble.”
consider telling your child:
“You will never be in trouble with me for honestly doing what you believed you needed to do to stay safe. Tell me exactly what happened, and we’ll work through it together.”
That communicates two important things:
You’re allowed to protect yourself.
And:
You’re not alone afterward.
Not Every Mean Interaction Is Bullying
There’s another distinction worth teaching.
Kids disagree.
Friends argue.
Someone occasionally says something rude.
Feelings get hurt.
Children make poor choices.
Those situations can still matter, but they aren’t automatically bullying.
Federal guidance describes bullying as unwanted aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance that is repeated or has the potential to be repeated. Bullying can be verbal, social, or physical.
Why does that distinction matter?
Because different problems may need different responses.
A disagreement between friends may require communication.
A rude comment may require BEV or simply walking away.
Repeated intimidation may require adult intervention.
A physical attack may require immediate action to stay safe.
If your child describes repeated targeting, threats, physical aggression, intimidation, or something that makes them feel unsafe, adults should become involved.
Resilience does not mean:
“Handle everything yourself.”
Sometimes good judgment means recognizing:
“I need help with this.”
Practice Before They Need It
This may be one of the easiest things parents can take from this article.
Don’t wait until your child is scared or upset to have the conversation.
Practice beforehand.
Give them a few situations:
“Someone wants you to follow them somewhere you know you shouldn’t go. What could you do?”
DON’T BE THERE.
“Someone starts trying to provoke you, but you can safely walk away.”
LEAVE.
“Someone won’t stop bothering you and you need to set a boundary.”
BEV.
Then actually practice it.
Body language.
Eye contact.
Voice.
“STOP.”
Try it again.
A little clearer.
A little more confident.
Then:
“Someone physically attacks you and you can’t safely get away. What are you allowed to do?”
PROTECT YOURSELF.
And:
“Something serious happened, keeps happening, or makes you feel unsafe?”
TELL SOMEONE.
Then mix the scenarios up.
Ask:
“Why did you choose that rule?”
Now something important is happening.
Your child isn’t simply memorizing five rules.
They’re practicing judgment.
And judgment is ultimately the skill we want them developing.
What If They See It Happening to Someone Else?
There’s one more conversation worth having.
Ask:
“What could you do if you saw someone else being treated badly?”
They don’t necessarily need to confront another child—especially if doing so could put them in danger.
But maybe they can:
Get an adult.
Sit beside the child who’s alone.
Invite them into their group.
Walk with them.
Tell them:
“That wasn’t okay.”
Make sure they know:
“You’re not alone.”
That’s leadership.
Not being the toughest person on the playground.
Seeing someone who needs help and choosing not to look away.
Give Kids Options Before They Need Them
We can’t guarantee our children will never encounter difficult people.
We can’t make sure nobody ever says something mean.
And we certainly can’t remove every uncomfortable situation from their lives.
What we can do is give them options.
DON’T BE THERE.
LEAVE.
BEV.
PHYSICALLY DEFEND YOURSELF.
TELL SOMEONE.
Then practice enough that when something happens, they aren’t starting from zero.
They can think:
“I know my options.”
“I can decide what makes sense.”
“I’m allowed to use my voice.”
“I’m allowed to leave.”
“I’m allowed to get help.”
And most importantly:
“I have permission to protect myself.”
Because confidence doesn’t mean:
“I can handle everything alone.”
Confidence means developing the awareness and judgment to recognize what’s happening and choose an appropriate response.
Sometimes that’s avoiding the situation.
Sometimes that’s walking away.
Sometimes that’s using a strong voice.
Sometimes that’s getting an adult.
And when it’s genuinely necessary for immediate safety, sometimes that’s physically protecting yourself.
The goal isn’t fighting.
The goal isn’t winning.
The goal is getting home safely.
YES I CAN!
PIL SUNG — Certain Victory!
About AKF Martial Arts Academy
At AKF Martial Arts Academy of Eau Claire, we believe self-defense begins long before a physical confrontation.
It includes awareness, avoidance, communication, confidence, sound judgment, nonviolent conflict resolution, knowing when to disengage, knowing when to get help—and having the skills and permission to protect yourself when necessary.
Our goal is to work alongside Eau Claire and Chippewa Valley families to help children become confident, capable young people who can make responsible decisions, protect themselves, and positively influence the people around them.
Sources & Further Reading
AKF’s Five Rules of Self-Protection are our academy’s teaching framework. For additional guidance on bullying, peer conflict, and trusted-adult involvement, families may also find these resources helpful:
StopBullying.gov — What Is Bullying?
American Academy of Pediatrics — Bullying: What Parents Can Do